Public Service Announcement: Tomorrow is May 1. I thought I should let you know since May is shaping up to be, well, a lot like April. And the second half of March. Is anyone else out there freaking out a little about entering this new month? March was all about "look for the silver lining" and "we're all in this together." Now it's the end of April and I still haven't learned how to play a new instrument or mastered a fancy cooking technique but I have watched Jimmy Fallon eating potato chips and Pepsi for breakfast. Connection, Jimmy. I think we are all starting to crack.
Do you wake up and feel like Bill Murray in Groundhod Day and there's "I Got You Babe," playing on the bedside clock radio? In order to survive May and avoid the monotony of all the days seeming the same, I recommend giving each day a theme:
Manic Monday: Mondays are the perfect day to panic when you realize there's another full week ahead of you. I like to take an inventory of my dwindling supply of toilet paper and do the math to see how many days worth we have left. Peeking in my pantry is another fun activity to raise anxiety. I wonder what I can whip up with olives and bulgur wheat...
Try again Tuesday: On Tuesdays, I look at the list of productive ideas I made and wonder what the heck I did all day yesterday and why I didn't make time to DO any of these? And then I remember that counting the olives in the jar did take up a substantial part of my day. Tuesday's a much better day to start my replica of the space shuttle made entirely out of toothpicks.
What Day is it Wednesday? I considered calling this Wine Down Wednesday but since every day feels like Blursday, I might get confused and end up drinking every day. I like to write "Figure out what day it is" on my list of things to do. Once I figure out it's Wednesday, I know what day it is AND I can cross something off my list. Knowledge and productivity! Win-Win!
Thrifty Thursday: On Thursdays I like to DIY to save a little money. Who needs a professional haircut when you've got a pair of purple scissors in your school box?
Freshen Up Friday: Usually I know it's Friday by giving my armpits the old sniff test. Whew, it must be time for a shower. Sometimes I go a little crazy and put on jeans and a t-shirt instead of leggings and a bathrobe. It's the weekend, a girl's gotta live a little! Come to think of it, might be time to wash the bathrobe too.
Same Day Saturday: Surprisingly, my Saturdays now look very similar to Saturdays in my old life. The pandemic hasn't put a pause on my weekend chores. I like to give myself little challenges, like can I clean the entire kitchen with 1/3 of a Clorox wipe? I reward myself with some mindless drivel on Netflix when I'm done.
Sleep In Sunday: After exerting myself yesterday and binge watching too many episodes of Tiger King, Sundays are the perfect days to sleep in and recharge. We've got a full week ahead!
How is your Spring Break going? Mine is outstanding! Rivaling
the most prestigious resorts, I stumbled upon this gem of a location that has the most luxurious amenities and activities, including an ample supply of two-ply
toilet paper. Here are some snapshots
of my spring break vacation:
THE SPA
Four stars--Practical and affordable! For my first visit, I
covered both my grey beginnings and my bleached ends for about $7 and 20
minutes. (Thanks, Clairol, Nice and Easy!). One life hack—use dark towels. The fluffy
white towels look pretty but are not so good for toweling off freshly dyed
hair. Oops. Good thing this property has laundry onsite!
THE GOURMET RESTAURANT
Michelin guide, take note. The menu is like an episode of
Top Chef—pull some ingredients out of a bag and see what creative confection I
can whip up with the in-stock selection at Giant. Epicurean delights for the pickiest of
gastronomes. If the gastronomes like eggs
and toast, that is. When someone else
does the dishes, it really is a vacation!
THE GAME ROOM
After we’re sated at the trendy, full-service restaurant, we
often stay for the after-dinner revelry. The upscale dining room easily converts to an action-packed
entertainment area equipped for hours of non-stop family merriment. Often the
sounds of laughter can be heard wafting through the open windows in the garden
outside. Or perhaps you’ll catch some fussy family bickering—depends on when
you listen in. No Kelly vacation is complete without it!
THE GARDENS
Behold: a meditative retreat to commune with flora and fauna. At
first glance, the gardens may appear to be overgrown with weeds and in dire
need of mulching. Come a little closer and you will find that they indeed are
overgrown with weeds. Dandelions need
love too. As for fauna, this resort boasts
a fox in residence. No need to visit a
zoo to see this cunning little omnivorous mammal. Infinitely clever, she’s dug
through several holes in the asphalt driveway and resisted attempts at
relocation. She’s evaded cameras and
cages, vinegar-soaked rags and moth balls. We haven’t yet tried a lazy dog, but I’m pretty sure the quick brown fox would jump right over it.
I know, you are probably jealous that you didn't find this amazing exclusive destination, but whatever your accommodations this spring break, I hope you packed some humor, imagination, and creativity. Essentials for any vacation, don't leave home (literally) without them!
