The Final Chapter

I don't know why I like numbers so much but I do.  

How many days of school until Winter Break? (15). 

How many miles have I run this week? (3).

How many books have I read so far this year? (43).

How many states have I visited? (49). 

I drive Paul crazy on road trips telling him how many more miles and how many more minutes to our destination. 

Teaching kindergarten was perfect because we counted just about everything. Multiples of 10 were a big deal and we dedicated a full day celebration on the 100th day of school, complete with a visit from Zero the Hero. Elementary school: one place a grown adult woman in her forties can dress up in a cape and mask.

I'm partial to multiples of 5 and I get slightly obsessive about odd numbers. I'll run up and down my driveway until my my mileage tracker reads 3.00. If there are nine items on my grocery list, I'll add "coffee" to round it off to ten. And because you can never have too much coffee. 

It seemed only fitting that I come up with a number-oriented goal to reach by my 50th birthday. I crowdsourced for suggestions and came up with 25 ideas. Can we pause for a moment so we can all let that settle in? I made not one, not two, but 25 goals for my 50th birthday.

The first step is admitting you have a problem. Houston, we have a problem.

How did this happen?

My 20s were all about self discovery--who I am, who I love, and what do I want to be when I grow up. I graduated from college, married, and started my first teaching job. 

In my 30s, I was busy creating my dream life. I had a house with a picket fence, two kids and a dog. I focused all my energy into my life as a stay-at-home mom extraordinaire for a few years until I returned to school part-time teaching kindergarten. I planned fun adventures. I planned healthy meals. I planned adorable, matching Halloween costumes. 

And then, my 40s hit. I found myself back in the classroom full time and, instead of orchestrating my kids' activities, I became a spectator to their growing independence, shuttling them back and forth in a seemingly endless carpool loop. I spent most of my forties trying to give 100% to my teaching career, 100% to raising teenagers, 100% to my other relationships and 100% to myself. Now, you don't need to be a math genius to know it's impossible to give 400% of yourself, but that's what I kept trying to do. I somehow thought if I just could be more organized and more productive, it would all go according to plan. It didn't. 

That's when I started this blog.

Writing was therapeutic. Sharing my stories helped me process and reflect, and reminded me to have a sense of humor. When a blog post resonated with a reader, I felt connected. Looking back at ten years worth of blog entries, I can see the themes of my forties emerge--work life balance, parenting teens, self improvement, and planning for adventure. There was so much I couldn't control, I focused on what I could...like how many items were on the grocery list. Recognizing these themes inspired me to compile some of my favorite essays into a sort of memoir of the last decade called There's Spaghetti On My Ceiling: And Other Confessions of a Reformed Perfectionist. 

As I anticipate my fifties, I wonder what new themes will emerge. Parenting is no longer a full time job. Paul and I beginning to explore life as empty nesters. I'm happy with who I am and spending time with people I love. 

Numbers: Twenty-five years ago, Cal Ripken Jr. played in his 2,131 game, breaking Lou Gehrig's record and eventually ended his streak at 2,632 games. At some point, you know when it's time to stop. So here we are, the 163rd blog post of my forties and the final post of A Grin, Some Grit, and a Bit of Grace. It's an odd number and one that held no significance until now. And I'm okay with that. I'm ready.  

I'll keep writing in my fifties. Maybe I'll even start a new blog. I'm not sure yet. One of my goals is to make fewer goals. 

Congratulations Class of 2020

In 2007, I was a kindergarten teacher. Now, 13 years later, those kindergarteners have grown up and are high school graduates. Normally, their formal ceremony would have been at DAR Constitution Hall in Washington DC, a venue full of red plush and grandeur. That plan was cancelled, however, due to the coronavirus pandemic. 

Pomp and circumstance was going to look a little different this year.  Instead of a processional down the aisles, it was a car parade through the neighborhood. Instead of a quiet ceremony, it was full of music, shouting, cheering and clapping. Instead of limiting tickets, the entire community was invited--and they came: neighbors waving from lawn chairs, former teachers standing by the curb holding signs, and extended family and pets gathered in driveways. As the graduates slowly rode by in cars festively decorated with balloons, streamers, and window paint, a trumpet player played Pomp and Circumstance, the powerful, stately notes lingering in the streets.

Former elementary teachers were invited to participate in the short ceremony and I was honored to address the graduating seniors with these words:

Some of you may be familiar with Robert Fulghum’s essay, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.  In it he writes,

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life -
Learn some and think some
And draw and paint and sing and dance
And play and work everyday some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world,
Watch out for traffic,
Hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.

Speaking from experience as your kindergarten teacher, these are all great lessons (especially the reminder to flush). However, I disagree that “all you need to know” you learned in our kindergarten class. It simply isn’t true.

My favorite lyric in Haycock’s spirit song is the line, “We are lifelong learners, lifelong friends, and we are cougar buddies ‘til the end.” 2020 certainly has been a crash course in lifelong learning. 

This year has taught you how to deal with disappointment and adapt to change, how to look for silver linings and look for ways to help others. 2020 has pushed you out of your comfort zone and you have pushed back with creativity, innovation, and resilience. 2020 has taught you how much you don’t yet know and how much you have to learn. It has reminded you of your strengths and humbled you with your shortcomings.

In kindergarten I asked you, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” But as high school graduates, I ask you, “Who do you want to be when you grow up? How do you want to use your strengths, your knowledge, and your resources to make the world a better place?

Whatever the answer may be, I have great faith that you have a lifetime of learning ahead of you.     

Congratulations Class of 2020!

PSA: It's May

Public Service Announcement: Tomorrow is May 1. I thought I should let you know since May is shaping up to be, well, a lot like April. And the second half of March.  Is anyone else out there freaking out a little about entering this new month? March was all about "look for the silver lining" and "we're all in this together." Now it's the end of April and I still haven't learned how to play a new instrument or mastered a fancy cooking technique but I have watched Jimmy Fallon eating potato chips and Pepsi for breakfast. Connection, Jimmy. I think we are all starting to crack.

Do you wake up and feel like Bill Murray in Groundhod Day and there's "I Got You Babe," playing on the bedside clock radio? In order to survive May and avoid the monotony of all the days seeming the same, I recommend giving each day a theme:

Manic Monday: Mondays are the perfect day to panic when you realize there's another full week ahead of you. I like to take an inventory of my dwindling supply of toilet paper and do the math to see how many days worth we have left. Peeking in my pantry is another fun activity to raise anxiety.  I wonder what I can whip up with olives and bulgur wheat...

Try again Tuesday: On Tuesdays, I look at the list of productive ideas I made and wonder what the heck I did all day yesterday and why I didn't make time to DO any of these? And then I remember that counting the olives in the jar did take up a substantial part of my day. Tuesday's a much better day to start my replica of the space shuttle made entirely out of toothpicks.

What Day is it Wednesday? I considered calling this Wine Down Wednesday but since every day feels like Blursday, I might get confused and end up drinking every day.  I like to write "Figure out what day it is" on my list of things to do. Once I figure out it's Wednesday, I know what day it is AND I can cross something off my list. Knowledge and productivity! Win-Win!

Thrifty Thursday: On Thursdays I like to DIY to save a little money. Who needs a professional haircut when you've got a pair of purple scissors in your school box?

Freshen Up Friday: Usually I know it's Friday by giving my armpits the old sniff test. Whew, it must be time for a shower. Sometimes I go a little crazy and put on jeans and a t-shirt instead of leggings and a bathrobe. It's the weekend, a girl's gotta live a little! Come to think of it, might be time to wash the bathrobe too.

Same Day Saturday:  Surprisingly, my Saturdays now look very similar to Saturdays in my old life. The pandemic hasn't put a pause on my weekend chores. I like to give myself little challenges, like can I clean the entire kitchen with 1/3 of a Clorox wipe? I reward myself with some mindless drivel on Netflix when I'm done.

Sleep In Sunday: After exerting myself yesterday and binge watching too many episodes of Tiger King, Sundays are the perfect days to sleep in and recharge.  We've got a full week ahead!

Spring Break Covid-19 Style

How is your Spring Break going? Mine is outstanding! Rivaling the most prestigious resorts, I stumbled upon this gem of a location that has the most luxurious amenities and activities, including an ample supply of two-ply toilet paper.   Here are some snapshots of my spring break vacation:


THE SPA

Four stars--Practical and affordable! For my first visit, I covered both my grey beginnings and my bleached ends for about $7 and 20 minutes. (Thanks, Clairol, Nice and Easy!). One life hack—use dark towels. The fluffy white towels look pretty but are not so good for toweling off freshly dyed hair. Oops. Good thing this property has laundry onsite!





THE GOURMET RESTAURANT

Michelin guide, take note. The menu is like an episode of Top Chef—pull some ingredients out of a bag and see what creative confection I can whip up with the in-stock selection at Giant.  Epicurean delights for the pickiest of gastronomes.  If the gastronomes like eggs and toast, that is.  When someone else does the dishes, it really is a vacation!




THE GAME ROOM

After we’re sated at the trendy, full-service restaurant, we often stay for the after-dinner revelry.  The upscale dining room easily converts to an action-packed entertainment area equipped for hours of non-stop family merriment. Often the sounds of laughter can be heard wafting through the open windows in the garden outside. Or perhaps you’ll catch some fussy family bickering—depends on when you listen in. No Kelly vacation is complete without it!


THE GARDENS

Behold: a meditative retreat to commune with flora and fauna. At first glance, the gardens may appear to be overgrown with weeds and in dire need of mulching. Come a little closer and you will find that they indeed are overgrown with weeds. Dandelions need love too.  As for fauna, this resort boasts a fox in residence.  No need to visit a zoo to see this cunning little omnivorous mammal. Infinitely clever, she’s dug through several holes in the asphalt driveway and resisted attempts at relocation.  She’s evaded cameras and cages, vinegar-soaked rags and moth balls. We haven’t yet tried a lazy dog, but I’m pretty sure the quick brown fox would jump right over it. 

I know, you are probably jealous that you didn't find this amazing exclusive destination, but whatever your accommodations this spring break, I hope you packed some humor, imagination, and creativity.  Essentials for any vacation, don't leave home (literally) without them!

One Uncharted Day at a Time

We didn’t get a lot of snow this year but maybe you remember that feeling of distraction when there’s a impending blizzard approaching?  There’s energy in the air and no one can quite concentrate on long division or the causes of the American Revolution because any minute those big flakes are going to start falling.  And it’s pretty much impossible to think about grading papers when you’ve got to stock up on toilet paper and wine.



That’s the way I’m feeling right now, only it’s a global pandemic rather than a weather forecast. Instead of shovels and ice melt, stores have run out of hand sanitizer and Clorox wipes. It’s uncharted territory, full of unsettling unknowns.  The coronavirus (COVID-19) will impact each of us personally in some way. Whether it is dealing with the disappointment of cancelled plans, worrying about the health of a loved one, or feeling scared about the economic consequences, the ripple effect will be significant.



Here we go. FCPS has already declared Monday to be a teacher workday so we can prepare for online learning.  Katherine learned today that she will be home for at least a month, extending her spring break indefinitely. Ashland just confirmed its first case of coronavirus, so my guess is that Jack will also be home soon to practice elbow bumps and social distancing.


None of this is convenient. None of this was planned. And for a list-making, calendar-loving planner girl like me, that’s a recipe for anxiety. And yet, that’s how life works. Winston Churchill once said, “The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.”  I’m going to try to remember that. How can I make the most of the next few weeks? How will I choose to spend my time in between hand washings? I’m going to try to take things one uncharted day at a time. And as always, I’ll try to do it with a grin, some grit, and a bit of grace. 

Puppies Are Like That

Puppies like to chew on things like bones, rubber balls, or even sticks. This puppy is chewing on somebody’s sneaker. He will have to be scolded. Puppies are like that.  

–from Puppies Are Like That by Jan Phloog

Having a puppy is not like flying on an airplane. Before takeoff, airline attendants always take time to explain the emergency procedures. “Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the mask over your own mouth and nose before assisting others.”  In other words, take care of yourself first. Then help others.

Puppies aren’t like that. When they wake up at 5:00 am, you can’t have a rational conversation with them. You can’t say, “It’s too early—go back to bed.” They don’t understand, “Give me 5 minutes to brew a pot of coffee and then I’ll play with you.”  Puppies come first.  Because if you ignore them, they will pee on the kitchen floor and chew on the chair leg. Puppies are like that.

When our kids were little, we read them a board book called Puppies Are Like That.  Over the last three weeks, Paul and I found ourselves echoing that refrain as we fostered a sweet six-week-old puppy named Claudette Colbert.

It’s been a year since we lost Tatum and, with the kids at college, sometimes the house feels a little empty.  Was it time to add a new furry companion to the family? We decided (OK, really “I decided,” but Paul is the best husband ever) to volunteer three weeks in January and reacquaint ourselves to the joy and commitment of having a pet.

 

Here’s what I knew about fostering before:

• All the puppies are cute
• Wolf Trap Animal Rescue provides all the supplies you need
• If you fall in love, you have priority to adopt the puppy (this is known as “foster failing.”

What more did I need to know? Sign me up!

Here’s what I learned about fostering after agreeing to care for a puppy:

• Puppies may have heartworm, fleas, parvovirus or even mange 
• The change in diet may mean nausea and diarrhea 
• The puppy will need to be spayed or neutered
• The puppy should not be left alone for more than 4-5 hours at a time

I don’t tell you this to scare you, but to remind you of the reality that there’s a lot more to puppies than cuteness.  Because pictures of puppies on Instagram tug at our emotional heartstrings. And you cannot raise a puppy on emotional “Awwws” alone. It takes blood, sweat, and tears. Literally. Furthermore, this is an important time in the life of the puppy. The socialization period occurs in puppies at approximately 3-12 weeks. In The Art of Raising A Puppy, the New Skete Monks explain, “By socialization we mean two things: first, the positive adjustment a puppy makes to the many aspects of her life, whether this includes other dogs, people, places, or objects; second, what we do to foster this.” We are caring for this puppy at the time when she is most impressionable. It’s a huge responsibility and one we are taking seriously.  And by the way…She is the cutest. Puppy. Ever. 

Here’s a summary of our lives over the last three weeks: 

• Arrange our schedules to tag team puppy time in 4-hour increments
• Talk about poop a lot. “Did she poop?” “What time did she last poop?” 
• Hire a dog sitter to come over on occasions when we were gone longer
• Bundle up in the cold darkness for early morning/late night potty breaks
• Clean up accidents in the house
• Purchase extra toys to play with the puppy
• Make sure the puppy is getting plenty of exercise
• Work on training the puppy
• Arrange for “meet and greets” so potential adopters can meet the puppy
• Read a book on how to raise a puppy
• Distract the puppy from chewing

And oh, the puppy chewing.  That’s where the blood, sweat, and tears came in. Those puppy teeth are razor sharp! I remembered very quickly to put the electric cords up and keep my shoes in the closet. Anything on or near the floor was fair game. Including the carpet in my living room. Oops. Puppies are like that. 

Puppy snuggles made up for all the hard work. Even in the short time we had her, we got to see Claudette’s sweet personality emerging. She’s a smart puppy who is already crate trained and sleeping through the night.  She knows “come” and “go potty” and loves to chew sticks and chase balls. She loves to be scratched behind her ears and to snuggle up next to you when she is tired. When you say her name, she gives you a little head tilt as if to respond, “Yes? I’m listening?”

Everyone thought we would “foster fail.” We didn’t. Finding the perfect family for Claudette’s forever home made it easier to decide. I realize that, as much as we love this puppy, it is not the season in our lives when we want to commit to a new family member. We are enjoying the flexibility and freedom of our first year as empty nesters. We are getting reacquainted with each other and even being a bit spontaneous. We’re making plans to travel and reading more books. 

Yet, as I packed up her belongings and prepared to say goodbye, I felt my throat catch and the tears well up. The house feels quiet again. Empty. We may foster again and someday, perhaps, we will get another dog. But for right now I’m excited to have a conversation with Paul that doesn’t revolve around poop.

P.S. If you are seriously considering fostering or adopting, I highly recommend Wolf Trap Animal Rescue.  Wolf Trap Animal Rescue is a not-for-profit organization whose primary mission is to “support a life-saving foster, transport, and adoption program which was developed in order to rescue young animals in danger of being euthanized in Mississippi from overpopulation.” They have successfully rescued over 5,000 animals in the past 5 years.   

Every Book Begins with the First Word

I’ve decided to write a book. This might be a crazy idea for a few reasons:

• I don’t know how to write a book.  Most of my knowledge about writing a book is based on a fictional character in the telenovela Jane the Virgin.  
• My spelling isn’t the greatest. I once came in third place in a spelling bee, but there were only three contestants. Sometimes I’m not smarter than a 5^th grader.  
• I don’t know all the grammar rules. If you line up 100 people based on their grammar knowledge, I’d like to think I’d be in the top half, but that might be the Dunning-Kruger effect at play. I usually go by intuition, and I can’t always explain why I think a comma goes there. I’m not sure what a dangling participle is but I keep meaning to look it up. 
• I’m not sure who will read my book besides my mom. 

Still, it’s good to have goals. I won’t be deterred. I’m a teacher—I’m used to being creative and resourceful. I’m also a whiz with the binding machine in the teacher workroom so publishing will be a piece of cake.

While I haven’t figured out the content of the book yet, I've already created a list of people who could write the back-cover blurbs.  Here’s what I imagine they might say:

• Jenny Lawson (The Bloggess)—Hers was first blog I ever read about a metal chicken named Beyoncé.  After I stopped laughing, I drove straight to Home Goods determined to find a bit of whimsy. I came back with a sturdy wrought iron fruit basket. Not what I had in mind, but it's extremely practical and I still have it. 

Allison is a whiz with the binding machine and we have the same birthday so she’s alright with me. This book is a bit of whimsy you’ll definitely want to pick up when you visit my Nowhere Bookshop. 

• Gina Rodriguez (Jane Villanueva)—Fictional characters probably don't write dust jacket blurbs and I get that. But Jane the Virgin would probably tell me,

If you ever think you are not cut out to be a writer, that is just your doubts and fears talking. You have to keep writing. You are a writer. 

• Oprah—If we are going to dream big on this dust jacket, why not?

What I know for sure…you should read this book! You get a copy and you get a copy!

• Scott Avett—An extremely talented musician and definitely my favorite banjo player. Maybe he'll love my book so much that I'll score backstage passes the next time I see The Avett Brothers in concert.

Allison’s writing is much better than her banjo playing.

• My Mom—She reads my blog and already comments on my writing so she'll be a natural.

Allison is so insightful and clever. She is the best daughter and her writing is wonderful.

OK, off to become a published author of my first book. If you want to preorder a copy, let me know!